Could we puh-leeze stop with the breathless reporting of that latest scourge against humanity, H1N1?

I was listening to XM radio news talk for the last few days;  one channel has AP news, and another an independent news provider.  And in both cases, they had breathless reports about the scary H1N1 that was coming to eat you!

This struck me as interesting, because I thought that the most recent disease poised to kill everyone was Swine Flu, not this H1N1 thingey.  So I got back to work and (instead of actually producing code, naturally) I looked up this new viral threat to humanity.

It’s interesting.  Read it if you want, I’m going to summarize below:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Influenza_A_virus_subtype_H1N1

H1N1 is the regular flu.  Now, for any of the survivors of the original Spanish Influenza outbreak, perhaps the line (said snarkily) “It’s only the flu” might be a bit insulting, but I promise no insult was meant.

What I mean is that we, as humans, have been living with the flu for decades.  We have over the counter pills to help take care of the flu.  Cheap over the counter meds.  If the flu gets to the point where you’ll need a doctor’s note to get back to work, a quick trip to the doctor will get you Tamiflu, or some other disease crusher which will get you back on your feet.

According to Globalsecurity.org, “During a typical year in the United States, 30,000 to 50,000 persons die as a result of influenza viral infection.”  According to the Census Bureau, the current population of the United States is 304,059,724.  Or, in other words, .016% of the population.

Most of those deaths are due to people also having weakened immune systems, due to old age, autoimmune diseases, being very young.  In other words, a healthy American has more to worry about driving to work then dying from the flu.

But this is a new flu, right?  Well, maybe.  See, H1N1 is the name for many types of flu, from the Spanish Influenza to Regular Seasonal Flu.  So, just because the news says somebody got H1N1 doesn’t mean they have the new Swine Flu.  The correct name would be Novel H1N1.  Novel H1N1 is “Swine Flu.”  But that’s not what the reports say.  They just say H1N1.

Humans have been living with H1N1 for decades and we know how to handle it.

In point of fact! Novel H1N1 is only exciting because it’s new.  Dr. Dan Hinthorn, director of the division of infectious disease at the University of Kansas (via the NY Times) says:

“We’d all like to know the exact answer,’’ he explained. “The symptoms are quite similar between regular flu and swine flu. Influenza ordinarily is a respiratory illness with fever, headache, sore throat, nasal stuffiness and cough. And body aches are real common. You go to bed and feel terrible. The difference may be that some of the people who have had swine flu have diarrhea or vomiting. That’s unusual except in children. Adults usually don’t have diarrhea with flu. It may well be that that could be a marker, but it’s not clear yet.’’

So… Swine Flu is just like Regular Flu… except new?  The only really novel part is that Novel H1N1 seems a little more likely to mutate than regular flu.  But even regular flu mutates.  You’re body is designed to fight these including their mutations.  Unless you’re really sick, you don’t need to go to the Doctor.  Sure, call them.  And if you’re really feeling bad, go.  I’m not advising you to die trying to stay away from the doctor.  I’m just saying…

Novel H1N1 is “New” and that’s it.

It’s not more dangerous.

It’s not more deadly.

You’re not more likely to get it.

If you’re weak to Swine Flu, you’re weak to Regular Flu anyway, and already know how to take care of that.

In other news It’s not a story.  And even when the news makes it a story they get it wrong. Trying to sound scary and scientific, they’ve stopped calling it Swine Flu and now call it H1N1… which means nothing.  It’s the flu!  It happens every year!

There are some things you can do to keep regular flu, swine flu, Spanish Influenza, Avian Flu, the whole flu family tree at bay.  It’s easy.

• Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you sneeze.  Throw that tissue away.
• Wash your hands, especially after you sneeze.  Alchohol based hand cleansers are useful when you don’t have ready access to hot running water and soap.
• Avoid touching eyes, nose, and mouth.  These are germ entry points.
• Avoid contact with sick people.
• If you actually have a fever, stay home for at least 24 hours after the fever breaks to make sure you’re no longer a carrier.
• Wash your desk and keyboard and other work surfaces regularly.

Interestingly enough, these recommendations from the CDC are the same recommendations for the cold.  And seasonal flu.  And every other communicable reporatory disease.  Again, if it wasn’t for the fact that it was new, it wouldn’t even be news.

As the Hitchhiker’s Guide says… Don’t Panic!  If you aren’t sick, just do the things above to lower your risk.  If you think you might be sick, get some rest and don’t go into crowded emergency rooms full of sick people (the fastest way I can imagine to get sick, or maybe even earn another sickness).  If you think you need a Doctor, call one.  If you’re really sick, go see a doctor, he’ll fix you up.  Your chances of dying or melting into goo or something from the flu are limited.

You’re chances of getting regular flu outweigh getting “swine flu.”  And even if you did, “swine flu” tends to be less deadly to healthy people than regular flu!

Note that the Swine Flu is now a pandemic.  Pandemic means “all people,” and generally means PANIC!  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!  Who lists the criteria for a pandemic as:

• emergence of a disease new to a population;
• agents infect humans, causing serious illness; and
• agents spread easily and sustainably among humans.

Novel H1N1 is new, yes.  It’s infectious in humans and causes the flu, yes.  And it’s easily spreadable, yes.  Realize that two of these conditions, however, cover the common cold and seasonal flu! Note that flu pandemics expressly do not count the seasonal flu because we’re used to it! The only thing new about H1N1 is that it is new.  It’s not more dangerous or deadly than the enemy we are used to.  It’s just new.

So, could we dial down the panic-o-meter?  If anything else, getting Swine Flu should be a badge of honor.  You couldn’t get sick with regular flu, no sir!  You had to get the newest, best, and shineyest model.  And even if it really makes you sick, if you’re not already weakened by something else, Modern Medicine can cure you!  Heck, for most people chicken noodle soup and some bed rest will do that.

Could we please stop panicking about something that’s so not something to panic about?

Thank you.

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